Dealing with the Flaming Email

Ouch that burns.  The email in your inbox is making you hot and angry.

It is strongly worded…
It borders on insulting…
It is trying to force a point at you and…
Thirty people are copied on it.

Anyone who has worked in high tech for a while has received one – a flaming email.  The writer is trying to forcefully push their point of view and solicit support from a broad array of managers and people with some stake in the issue.  The arguments will assert the unreasonableness of your position. And, often the messages will be very long with many points.

When you receive a flaming email, your first instinct may be to respond point by point. There is also the temptation to raise the ante as well.  Short answer:

Don’t.

Replying “in kind” to the email will lead to a chain of responses to a wider audience.  These email chains can go back and forth for days – each writer trusting that the email list will act as judge or jury to get the resolution desired.

If you are the instigator, your behavior is mistaken. Even if you get your way on an issue through an email power play, it will lead to ill and less cooperation in the future. It will also hurt your relationship with those you cc’ed on the email.   Instead, if you disagree with another person at work, talk to them directly; Work toward a resolution. If the problem is one of choices, figure out who has the authority to make the decision in your company for that issue and hold a meeting to discuss the issue.  If the problem is one of interaction, involve the appropriate manager and in extreme cases, your HR group.

If you are the receiver of a flaming email, it is best to first talk to the person directly that same day if possible.  In some cases it may be necessary to send a short note (including the cc’s) to indicate that you want to talk face to face to discuss the issue and not through email.  However, sometimes short note back will encourage the author to respond with another long email re-iterating the same points so that they have the last word.  Don’t get drawn into an email war. Better to resolve it off line. High technology is great for informing but everything seems harsher when send in text. Better to meet face to face.

Once you have worked out a resolution or even an approach to resolving it, then send out an email describing the solution or approach. That will give the closure to the original email.  Done? Not quite. Ask the author not to send out a flaming email again.

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